I don’t know what to write so I will start with a “Hello”

I have not been writing for so long.  Whether the cause is that I feel as though I have nothing to say or not, I do not know.  I used to use this Blogging thing as a way to convey messages to the outside world in a hope of reaching people, an effort to change the world.  Now that I have been absent for so long what I realize is that the only true change that was occuring were the changes within myself.  How vulnerable to broadcast your own personal journal to the world.  The absence of this vulnerability in my life has been noticed, and dearly missed.

With this first post in many moons I have nothing insightfull to say, I have no words of encouragement or insight.  There are not clever metaphors or philosophies.  All I have flowing through my fingers at this moment is desire.  A buring desire to be connected once again.  Connected to an audience I will never see or know about, or perhaps an audiance that does not even exist but an audiance that I am infinatly interconnected with.

This will mark the beginning of my morning pages.  Pages written just for me but shared with the Universe….a simple “Hello” to everything I have been ignoring and neglecting in my life for a very long time.  Good thing that time is relative and I am an infinite being

A boy on the bus….

A friend of mine told me that he once volunteered to teach at a prison. He said that in an attempt to reach them that he would always ask them two questions: Who are you? and Why are you here?  ”Here”, referring not to the cells that have come to confine them, but here in the broadest perspective possible.  I fought back tears as my friend described the way their eyes would light up, each and every time.  No one had ever probed these “misguided” individuals to think about why they were here on this earth and certainly no one had ever bothered to ask them who they were….did anyone care who they were?

Tonight on the bus I found myself surrounded, literally surrounded, by a group of “misguided” individuals.    There were about six of them all around me and yet I might as well have been a ghost.  They had just been in a fight and their attitudes varied from excited to amped, amused to angry.  I watched, undetected, as they barked back and forth spouting “NI—-” every third word.  The louder they got, the colder the stares from the other passengers and yet I remained calm, curious.  
 
 I don’t know exactly what set this obvious “leader” of the group off, but there was a definitive moment when the energy in the group shifted.  While the one young boy grew increasingly livid, a silence fell over the rest.  The angrier he became, the more my sadness began to surface.  He shouted of betrayal and mistrust and revenge.  I tried to follow what was being said but I got lost in a sea of slang that I realize I am now of an age where I am out of touch.  I must have been concentrating pretty hard because I didn’t even notice the exchange of money for weed until it was right under my nose.  Now, it certainly was not the usage of God’s plant that disturbed me, but the complete lack of care as to the consequences of their actions.  They had no way of knowing who they were conducting this transaction in front of….and they DID NOT CARE!

I don’t think I have felt that helpless in a very long time.  What must their lives be like to be so devoid of meaning?  What would bring a young handsome boy to the point where he shouts on a bus “he doesn’t deserve to live!!!”?  Has anyone bothered to show them the value in life?  As they wonder through this concrete jungle, has anyone ever pointed out the beauty and magic of the sunset?  

 Every Tuesday afternoon from 3-6, I am granted a great gift.  Once a week I am honored to be in the presence of a man named Brian Swimme as he delivers the Universe to me.  Tonight I can’t help but wondering what would happen if I were able to deliver the Universe to the boys on the bus.  Would their eyes light up like mine if they knew that they are made up of the stars?  Would they have just a tiny bit more respect for life if they knew that it had taken 14 billion years of the Universe rushing forward with no other purpose than to give birth to them?  Would they feel just a little less alone and scared if they knew that every single particle in their body was remarkably interconnected with everyone and everything in the entire cosmos?  

 My imagination begins to flow and I contemplate what might have happened when those boys got off the bus at Lincoln and 19th.  Were their attentions diverted to the next cute girl they happen to come across, forgetting completely about the altercation earlier in the day, or did it continue to escalate the more they shouted and let their egos and pride enter in?  Would some poor kid end up with a broken nose tomorrow, or worse?  I doubt there was anything I could have said or done to make a positive impact in this situation, yet still I wonder.  I feel as though something is brewing within me.  A direction perhaps?  A message?  I don’t know yet but, in the words of Brian Swimme, I am allured.

Thoughts…..

I haven’t written in a long time.  I think I have been waiting for some kind of divine inspiration for which to share with others.  Thinking that I had to be “perfect” before I could put myself out there.  Moving to this city has brought out a lot of my old insecurities, like the big fish jumping into her new larger pond and realizing how tiny she actually was.  This feeling of insufficiency is paralyzing…..and completely illusory.
From now on I would like to write for myself, for my own self discovery; my own unfolding.  This is the true source of inspiration anyway, from one brave soul turning inward and nourishing the seed of life that resides within us all.  It is the vision of the possibility that inspires, nothing more.  The potential of each and every one of us to discover the seed of life that we came into this world with and to nourish it towards its full potential.
Today I would like to write about Africa.  My mind drifts towards Africa often, while in class daydreaming, while thinking about our evolutionary past.  Today this thought was spurred by watching “The Constant Gardner” (perhaps this is also where all the plant references are coming from).  While based upon a fictional book, it does tell a bit of the atrocities that are ever-present on this forgotten continent.  My mind desperately tries to rectify how this state of affairs could have gotten its start in the first place….not to mention how t has persisted this long.  
We are such an amnesiac species, so quick to forget where we have come from.  Well here is a reminder…..we come from Africa, all of us.  One common Mother and she was born in Africa.  What does it say about our species that we would abandon our own Mother in this way?  One of the lines from “The Constant Gardner”, as they are about to land the UN plane to deliver medical aid….”You better strap yourself in.  We’re about to land on the surface of Mars.”  Could this be a telling statement?  As we explore the actual surface of Mars, desolate, lifeless, we come closer and closer to the possibility that there once may have been life in a far, far distant past.  Could this be a warning?  Much to ponder, so much to rectify within my mind.  Like the title of this blog, ever-evolving…….

Well Done Prince Charles….

On November 25th, 2008 at the Foreign Press Association Media Awards, Prince Charles gave an inspiring speech about our current Modern world and how we are completely out of harmony with the natural world.  I don’t have have words for this one because he said it all so perfectly, so I’ll just direct you to the site.  All I have to say is, “well done Prince Charles!!!”
Much Love!!!

http://www.princeofwales.gov.uk/speechesandarticles/a_speech_by_hrh_the_prince_of_wales_at_the_foreign_press_ass_1982236630.html

Sri Aurobindo could have used Louise Hay….

My school, the California Institute of Integral Studies, was built loosely upon the teachings of Sri Aurobindo, an Indian revolutionary turned prophet.  His teachings are based upon integration….. hence the California Institute of INTEGRAL Studies.  Now, my fellow students like to think that they are being very integrating in their studies.  However, if you mention anything from the new age world you might very quickly be shut down.  They have little tolerance for anything that even remotely sounds like “self help”.
Tonight, as I am reading The Essential Aurobindo, a book I am loving by the way, I came to the conclusion that good ole Aurobindo could have used a little self help himself.  His very basic idea is that everyones’ soul is striving for what he calls Sachchidananda.  We are all moving in an evolutionary path towards Brahman, or God.  He is also very much into hierarchy and he believes that there are different levels that one may attain in their lifetime: Mind, Intuition, Illumined Mind, Overmind, Supermind and finally reconciling with Brahman.  Aurobindo himself only attained Overmind, it was the achievement of his spiritual partner, The Mother who would ultimately attain Supermind status (of course it would be a woman
Well tonight as I was reading, it became clear the if only Aurobindo knew the power of the affirmation he may have achieved the Supermind status he strived for.  He said that “this greater spirit is obstructed from descent by the hard lid of his constructed personality; and that inner luminous soul is wrapped, stifled, oppressed in dense outer coatings” (Essential Aurobindo, 56)….could he quite possibly be speaking of the hard lid of his own constructed personality?  This is a man who stayed in his room most of his life.  This is also someone who thought Gandhi was a silly little man who just didn’t get it.  Talk about dense outer coatings.  
Don’t get me wrong, I actually think that Aurobindo’s teachings are right on and if you look at what is going on right now and where evolution may be heading, his theories make a lot of sense.  However, I just can’t help but think that if he had only done a little more mirror work, a few more affirmations, then he could have dissolved a few more layers of his dense outer coatings and maybe then he could have experienced the Supermind personally.  Just something to think about as you are coming up with your own brilliant teachings.  You are still in a body with your ego and your childhood shit to deal with just like the rest of us.

What is Cosmology?

I began this program as a leap of faith.  It just felt right.  Then I began to wonder, huh, what exactly is cosmology?  A valid question considering I am spending upwards of $30,000 a year studying the subject.  Well, the word originally comes from the Greek word kosmos, meaning Universe, and -logia, meaning “the study of”.  Put it together and you have the study of the Universe in its totality and by extension, humans place in it.  Simple, right.  Basically, in contrast to the reductionists of the last four hundred years or so, we are looking at the big picture and trying to figure out how in the world we, as humans, fit into it.
To give you an example….  Right now, I am trying to bring the cosmology of Sri Aurobindo together with the accessibility of Gandhi’s teachings, using Einstein as a bridge between the two.  May sound a little wild to those who are trapped in the dogma of the Western, reductionist world.  However, the whole of this Universe is greater than the sum of its parts.  It’s time that we start putting the pieces of our history together so that we can develop a new cosmology that doesn’t involve the destruction of our planet and our fellow men.  Good-bye reductionism, hello Integration.

Trusting in The Process….

So here I am, in San Francisco sitting in a coffee shop (I cringe to say it is Starbucks, but hey I just got here give me some time).  I have no place to live, YET.  I have no job, YET.  What I do have is an orientation for my amazing new school tomorrow, and I have an open heart filled with faith, optimism, and enthusium for all the amazing-ness that is soon to come.  I have never found myself just kind of jumping in like this…..and I have never felt so free…..coincidence?  I think NOT!!!  I have spent the beginning years of my transformation learning “the rules” gathering techniques to gain focus.  I have seen energy healers, psychics, Theta Ladies, recieved weekly accupuncture, meditated, read books, listened to enlightened speakers.  I have done everything perfectly to bring me to this moment in time.  This place on the map of my life that has been circled by God.
I have spent my life “thinking things out” and it has served me very well in the past, and I feel blessed for all that I have thought into existence…….However, now is the time for “feeling things out”.
Trusting the process of life, I am finally truly putting into action the Laws of the Universe that I have spoke upon for years…..I know some in my life would be shocked to hear me say this, but I have run out of words.  I have lost the desire to speak upon any of the laws which drive my existence, I now only have the desire to live by them.
I spent my drive listening to the words of Abraham, channeled by Ester Hicks (a beautifully perfect gift from my “Theta Lady”) and the one resounding message was this…..Follow your feelings. If you are feeling good, then you are following the path that will lead to all that you desire.  If you are feeling bad, then you are moving upon a path that will bring you all that you do not desire.  Well buddy, I FEEL FUCKING AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A good friend of mine taught me to simply “pack and go”.  Well here I am, packed and ready